Couples Counseling: Does It Actually Work?
The quick and simple answer is….it depends!
Now, I know that is not what you may want to hear, but let me explain.
There are many different factors that are involved in making the decision to start therapy and being in therapy itself, particularly, couples therapy.
This is not an easy decision to make because you have to consider the opinions, thoughts, and feelings of both people in the relationship and there may be differing ways of seeing the issues and opposite beliefs about how to solve problems.
What makes it more challenging is that your relationship is most likely already marred by fighting, disagreements, and tension, and trying to come up with a solution for the discord may not be the easiest. One person may want to seek out a third party to get another perspective and learn skills, the other may think that “everything is fine” and want to keep things status quo.
Great Expectations!
In my experience, clients oftentimes come into therapy having some pre-conceived notion that therapy will magically “fix” their marriage if they just attend on a weekly basis. Or, they have hopes that the therapist will change the other person because “they are the ones with the actual problems, not me!” Additionally, there may be some feelings that make you hesitant to seek help from a relationship expert:
Fear of what to expect
Doubt that it will even help
Uncertainty about the process
Not wanting to be blamed for everything
Unfortunately, there is no magic or quick fix involved in relationship counseling. It requires work from both parties and, yes, that also includes homework. However, with a qualified therapist that you trust, you can be guided and supported through the whole process of inevitable ups and downs.
How does couples therapy work?
The work that you will do in couples therapy includes interventions that will teach you how to really listen to your partner, respond rather than react, validate the partner with the right words that make them feel seen and heard, and empathize with their feelings rather than taking it personally, as if everything that they say and feel is a direct reflection on you. The work also involves reflecting on your own behaviors and taking accountability for your part in the fights and disagreements.
This all may sound so overwhelming right now, but the work is meant to open up a different perspective on the marriage, seeing where there are challenges, barriers, problems that need to be fixed and teaching skills that will be useful for you to start interacting in a way that feels more productive. The goal is to create avenues of communication by learning how to really listen, validate, and empathize.
This process can be highly effective for couples experiencing relationship difficulties but, again, it’s a matter of how much you dedicate yourself to the process of learning, practicing, and being willing to try a different way of interacting, rather than staying in the same patterns of behavior. The overall goal is to help you gain valuable tools, assist you in navigating daily challenges, strengthen your relationship and friendship, and improve the intimacy and connection that you once had.
Book a session with me to see if we are a good fit and I can help guide you to a better place in your partnership.
For more tips and advice, follow me on Instagram @bettyblanccouplestherapy
