Parenting and Marriage
When Summer fades into Fall…
Back to school is a time that is busier than normal and transitioning from the summer months (when you had time off and were able to enjoy family vacations), into your regular schedule of work, school, and extra-curricular activities, can be difficult. Although the kids thrive on structure and it can be nice to have a routine, the hustle and bustle of life can take a toll on a marriage, especially if there are other stressors.
Watch out for those pitfalls!!
The pitfalls of being busy is that you lose time to connect as a couple.
As a parent, when you are stressed, tired, and irritated, you become more susceptible to knee-jerk reactions and start to lose skills that have kept the marriage strong. Or, if you are already struggling as a couple, it can exacerbate the tension between the two of you. You could start to see your partner as the enemy and feel defensive to their every remark, feel like you are being attacked or judged, or made to feel like you are not doing enough. Maybe you disagree about parenting styles and are not able to see eye to eye.
With hectic schedules, there is:
LESS
Down time
Time spent together
Connection and romance
And MORE
Lashing out at each other
Using unhealthy coping skills
Miscommunication or lack of communication with each other
This happens to a lot of couples and it is part of the ebb and flow of life, raising a family, and choosing to stay together.
Why can’t we be on vacation everyday?
It’s true that couples are nicer to each other when they are vacationing. So how can you keep that connection when you return to “real life”?
Put your relationship first
Your partnership is the foundation of your family unit. Make time for the person you fell in love with - reserve moments during the day to send a quick love text, plan date nights with no kids. Remember the things that attracted you to each other in the beginning.
Communicate effectively
Communication is a process of speaking, listening, and validating. Make sure you are giving your partner the space to speak and make sure you really understand what they are telling you and that they feel heard.
Teamwork
Your partner/spouse is your teammate, you are on the same side and you both want what is best for your family. You may not always agree on each topic, but you can listen and take the other person’s perspective into consideration.
Connection
Make time to reconnect as many nights as possible. You can talk about the kids and schedules but leave room to ask about the other important things. Check in with your partner: How are you feeling? How did you feel about what just happened today? Can we talk about that parenting strategy that we disagreed on?
Self care
Make sure to have interests or ways to relax that are rejuvenating, release endorphins, and help you relieve stress in a healthy way.
Have fun
Don’t forget to plan family days when there are no obligations, distractions, or scheduled events. Just a fun time with your family - laughing, playing, or being outdoors.
Support system
Reach out to others you trust when you need someone to talk to for support - friends, families, neighbors. If you need professional support and want to learn tools to strengthen your marriage through this time, Book a session, and I can help guide you to a better place in your partnership.
For more tips and advice, follow me on Instagram @bettyblanccouplestherapy
